Helpful.
I was walking across to the computer and thinking about this blog .. and there was Serena's comment which was almost exactly the same. My thought had been that I am actually quite good at cheering people up (I hear a faint gasp) and had once imagined that that would be my destiny .. with a newspaper column or something similar. And thinking that maybe I should start another blog which was more like the better moments of this one with amusing chatting and recipes and cute moments remembered of children and cats .. and people would look there specially when they were bored or low. It would be like work .. and possibly a useful exercise and not weirdo therapy as this one is turning out to be. Quite tiring to do though .. and I have this almost irresistible urge to be nasty suddenly when overwhelmed by sweetness.

Two things ... as well. The new one would obviously be different .. but with this one I don't really want very many readers. The number I have is plenty and I would be driven insane if I had commenters who said drippy things. From my site meter I can see that the same old (and very welcome) people pass by here regularly even if the more recent posts have been beyond feeble.

The other thing is that I may have been living this exact bit of life too long and the other night when Loneliness happened for the first time in .. possibly .. a couple of years ..was such a surprise that I quite wanted to see what I wrote in case a subconcious solution appeared. None of these last posts were what I had thought I was going to put when I sat down.

There is an old film from the forties which I was really struck by when I was a teenager and felt that I too might have been put here to help mankind in a similar way. Unfortunately I wasn't struck hard enough to actually remember the name of it still. I t was about a famous film director who .. I think .. dresses up as a hobo and goes down to the railroad tracks to do some in depth research for his new film. There is some kind of fight with real hobos and he is knocked out and comes to on a train in difficult circumstances where it looks as if he has killed someone .. and is arrested. And ..cliche .. no one in the middle of nowhere believes that he is the director and they refuse to check or let him ring anyone .. cliche .. and he is sentenced to years on a chain gang. AND .. it is all hell .. BUT .. the only thing that makes the men happy, ever, is the weekly movie which seems to be invariably M1ckey M0use or similar. And the director has this massive epiphany where he realises that all his gritty, depressing films were a pointless load of crap and if he ever gets out of there he will devote his life to making comedies so that people will feel good about themselves. Very soon after this he is finally tracked down and released instantly (one law for the rich) and becomes the new W@lt D1sney.

And I decided that this would also be me .. but from a writing point of view. Because I have a naturally optimistic, jokey personality . Sadly and strangely .. practically never seen on these pages.

So I was thinking this just now ..Get that personality down off the shelf and put this dreary one back in the drawer. Or at least .. as Serena says .. let each personality have their own blog so that readers will know what to expect .. including myself.
- posted by Iris @ 3/09/2006 12:12:00 AM comment