Older.
It was my birthday on the 7th. As I wrote last year, I have the coolest possible birthdate ... maybe apart from Hall0ween. A classically lucky numb3r in one of the nicest months of the year, which was also in the middle of the summer holidays. Perfect. But this year was the last time I will ever celebrate it.

My generation are the first to advance into middle age without a map. We aren't like our grandparents or even our parents and now the child-rearing section of life is over the whole future is a blank. We can do absolutely anything we like and most of us look at least ten years younger than our parents did at the same age. If we can manage to stay alive we can look and behave like forty-year olds until we are at least eighty.

It reminds me of the 'This is what 40 l00ks like' remark. I want to be defined only by how 'I' am ... I don't want to be defined by other people's idea of what 50, or 60 or 70 is 'like' and compartmentalised accordingly. A year ago I stopped weighing myself every day and just went by the mirror and how my clothes fitted. What a restful decision. I had no idea of the creeping guilt that was triggered every time I had put on a pound or so. And the pleasure of never being able to reply to the question 'What do you weigh?' except with the answer, 'Who cares?'.

So now I am doing the same with my age. Not like some insecure actress but because I don't feel any particular age .. it varies from day to day and even from conversation to conversation. If anyone in the future asks 'How old are you?', I will answer as before. 'Who cares?'.

The slight cop out is that by chance we moved into this house on my birthday ten years ago. So I can still have a small celebration on that day but it will be for the house and not me and the 'other' reason for the party will never be mentioned.
- posted by Iris @ 8/10/2005 08:57:00 AM (0) comments comment

 
Sausages?
I was saddened to read an article recently about imiJ xirdneH*. Where his ex-girlfriend revealed that the 'deep' and cool lyrics to one of his most famous songs, (pondered over by scholars for many years), were actually inspired by a row they had had in the kitchen one evening. And were based around the overcooking of some sausages.

I was thinking about this again yesterday when glancing through a long piece on the life of new p0p sensat1on Jam3s tnulB. His 'haunting' song 'You're B3aut1ful' has been at No. One here for several weeks. We have known about him for longer than most because he was at H@rrow with various friends of my older daughter. (Unfortunately remembered as a 'tosser'). I saw him first on a cult music programme and was, I hate to say .. particularly now, moved to tears by his rendition of 'My L0v3r'. 'Well, I am never listening to THAT again. Jeez, sad or WHAT?' I thought, reaching for the tissues.

Back to the glancing. 'Who is the mysterious beauty behind Jam3s's most famous works?' asked the paper. 'We can reveal, exclusively, that it is the stunning D... C....'. NOOOooo! Eeeuuuw! It CAN'T be. 'His two year obsession with her and devastation at their break-up led to the composition of these wonderful songs'. I suddenly realised that the massively glamorous photograph next to the article did have a faint resemblance to the smug, overconfident (NOT beautiful) daughter of two long-term acquaintances of mine. Who, oddly, I don't actually HATE but they would be taking a very high prize in the Most Annoying People in the World awards. They are dedicated social climbers of the highest order combined with vast self-publicising skills and that way of behaving that makes you long to punch them in the face. (You would ... I promise). I am always coming across articles about their tasteful but 'quirky' home etc. etc. I was reading some bits out only the other day with everyone falling about laughing.

So his inspiration for these heart catching, memorable tunes is spoilt, show-off, up herself to the back teeth D.. C... I would so much rather it had been a plate of sausages.
- posted by Iris @ 8/03/2005 09:05:00 AM (0) comments comment