Warmth.
There have been some difficulties over the past two days. I am trying to keep track of many threads which will twist together into a final perfect plait-like thing on Chr1stmas morning but have been hampered by forgetfulness and random onrushes of 'not caring'. I had ignored the notice stuck by the breadboard saying 'OIL' for a week and then forced myself through the inertia to call. And they said they would 'Try to fit me in' before Chr1stmas. 'AAArghh! Do you mean that you might not?'. 'Well, we'll do our best .. I can't say more'. 'GULP'. F.ck.

Late that night I came down to heat up a small extra supper of leftovers and was idly reading an old colour suppl3ment ... for ages. A hideous suspicion arose .. and yes ... the agA* was OUT. What are the chances of that happening? I had thought we did actually have enough oil for another month and had only been panicking in an anal 'I want to feel safe with a full tank ' way. I actually cried and ran swiftly through a stream of visions of ... mainly ... my husband screaming throughout the festive season, ( fair enough, for once), and the coldness and horror of the kitchen without the stove. Our kitchen is massive and is 'the house' for most of the year as we don't really use any of the other downstairs rooms much and it has the stove at one end and an open fire at the other. Also the electric cooker beside it is too small to take the ham or... the turkey. I felt very, very afraid.

I rang the oil company at first light and told them of my desperate predicament in a trembling tone .. not put on ... although I did exaggerate (or 'lie') and said I was all alone with no cooking facilities or hot water. 'Right', said a brisk secretarial voice, ' Well, I'm afraid we can't get to you until next week'. 'What!'. 'No, sorry, we are snowed under here and there aren't any lorries going your way'. 'But ... but ... will you come before CHRISTMAS?' 'Oh, yes', light laugh, 'We'll be there by then'. Rings off. Bloody he11. To them I am alone with no way of cooking or heating water ... and they couldn't care less. If I was a truthful, frail old lady I might die in the next week. So .. lucky I was lying then as it turns out. Especially as they ARE now definitely coming in time. The silver lining scenario strikes again.

Even before this it was very, very cold here ... inside ... with many whistling draughts coming in all directions including from behind a picture. When I investigated I found that the picture had obviously been hung specifically to conceal a hole in the plaster .. leading directly outside. And I'm sure that it is only one of many. Into this inhospitable environment have arrived a stream of parcels and pre-chosen 'gifts'. Under already stressfull circumstances you wouldn't ask for more .. but I have, thoughtlessly. My middle daughter's present .. ordered by herself .. are two oib- serehps* which are sealed and contain living m1cro-f1sh things which survive for years in their tiny world ... apparently. The sender rang me four times to check the weather conditions as the b1os can only be in darkness for a few hours so the postage transit time has to be arranged with military precision. He put off sending for a week because of the snow and then rang again to remind me to 'keep them at a constant temperature' 'Or you'll just have a gl0be full of dead f1sh for Chri1stmas'. For f.ck's sake. Where in our house is ever at a constant temperature .. unless you count freezing. They are now in my bedroom on a shelf in 'filtered daylight' and above .. but not directly of course .. their OWN radiator. For f.ck's sake.

The next day a van arrived and handed over a massive yellow orch1d, nearly four feet high .. which I am giving to my neighbour for all her endless help. I saw her gazing at it in the flower shop window and I KNEW she would love it and would never afford it or be given it. It is insanely heavy and brittle and I managed to get it across the kitchen to the wall, out of the way. Forgot about it for a day and then picked up its 'care card' from the floor. 'It is very important to keep the orch1d lightly watered at all times and to ensure that it is always at a ... CONSTANT TEMPERATURE'. FOR F.CK'S SAKE.
- posted by Iris @ 12/08/2005 09:43:00 PM comment