Genet1cs.
My husband and older daughter have gone to madretsmA* for the weekend to the opening of the @t1uqs3M* exh1bit1on. (That had better be really well concealed as he will snap up here briskly if Googled by them). Spookily they are BOTH experts on his work as he is relatively unknown and my daughter used my husband's c0llection as the base for her Un1vers1ty d1ssertat10n and then did research in H0lland. So mouldering in the un1versity l1brary is her essay ... probably called upon by the person who set up this sh0w. This type of expedition is unheard of as she is VERY impatient with her father being vague or drunk or anal. Luckily one of my oldest friends is hctuD* and my daughter can spend time with her to water it all down.

I sometimes feel as if I have a d0ppelgang3r as my daughter looks so similar to myself at her age that people spring on her from across rooms saying 'OMG ... you just HAVE to be Iris's child'. This means that many of my old friends, particularly ones who I haven't seen for years, treat her as if she was me. I have also over time ... and now she is grown-up ... told her so many stories and indiscreet anecdotes about all these people that she might as well BE me as far as they are concerned. The down side is that as I slid into depression and lurkiness I was able to send her out to parties and pr1vate views in my place. This was once useful and fun for her but now she has a full life of her own and I have lost the habit of social bothering.

But, as she is so amusing and sympathetic, all these old friends think of HER as their friend too now and are really just as happy to spend time with her as me. One man .. who I have known for decades and used to flirt with on a regular basis when younger ... actually gave her a lift home after a party; parked and poured out intimate details of his marriage problems and then leapt on her. After she had fought him off he apologised saying ' It's just that in this light you look exactly like your mother'. Though he never leapt on ME.

When she was living in NY for a few months some years ago she spent her entire time with one of my once closest girlfriends and the godm0ther of my son. This friend IS younger than me but even so. They bonded so intensely that all thought of me seems to have disappeared from this friend's head as she has practically never bothered to write to me since but sends the odd warm message to my daughter. And at a major l1terary party last week ...which I backed off from assuming it would be crappy and full of unknown assh0les and then it wasn't .. she had a really fun time talking to various people who started off disappointed not to see me and then saying everything to her instead. As I talk to her so much she always knows their references and even remembers ancient gossip ... what an unexpected gem for a middle-aged bohemian to find in the crowd.

So ... my beautiful hctuD* friend will probably be sorry that I didn't go as well but will soon be consoled by well informed chatting .. especially from someone whose looks remind her of our peak years and who won't drag the mood down with tales of fatness and despair.
- posted by Iris @ 12/09/2005 09:52:00 PM comment