Path.
I was washing my hair this morning when I heard a woman talking outside. No one ever talks outside here because it is very, very isolated ... also it was pouring with rain. Then there was massive knocking on the kitchen door. 'Oh, f.ck OFF', I thought but then decency took over as she might be a lost traveller or some such. Leaving my hair wrapped in a towel to show that she had disturbed me annoyingly I answered the door.

Standing there was an irritating-looking hiker with a laminated map hanging round her neck on a chain and .. such an amusing touch .. giraffe skin printed wellington boots. And a really nice golden labrador. 'You don't seem to have any SIGNS marking the footpath', she said in bossing tones. 'Well, there's one up by the road and the path goes straight on down'. 'No, no .. the OTHER path'. Bugger.

When we bought the house we took into consideration that there was an ancient bridleway running through the old farmyard and .. more worrying .. an ancient right of way, leading from that, quite near the house and away over the fields. But it was just a now unused connection between us and the next farm and the few people who DID go past were all on horses and had to stay on the bridlepath.

'The OTHER path? Good god .. you are only the second person in the past ten years who has ever used it. It doesn't go anywhere'. She made a patronising 'uhh' sound. 'I think it does if you are taking a CIRCULAR walk. Now I am an official of the noveD* R@mblers and it is VERY important that all paths are signed clearly. You can obtain these signs very easily from our office'. 'But no one ever uses it ... and .. it's obvious that you have to go over the stile and then you can see the next farm'. 'No, it is important that you have these signs. I am on the side of the farmer you know', fake smile, 'You don't want people wandering around your fields, lost, do you?' 'Where would I put them?' 'I think you need quite a lot here, starting AT the bridleway, on this gate and also that gate and of course on the stile and the two far gates .. '. drone, drone. She is obviously carried away beyond reason with her tiny moment of power and bossing. My house would look insane. There is no question of even one sign you stupid b1tch ... as if I want to encourage dreary hikers anywhere near me .. I live here because I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE. 'Yes, of course. I will look into it. I hope you have a nice walk'. Smile ... and smile again ... and shut door. And shut door on any chance of signs you self-important c.nt.

And not a massive chance of a nice walk as, quite apart from the pouring rain, you will have to climb down an almost vertical slope - quite slippery today I fancy. Then, at the bottom, get through a sometimes fairly shallow stream but I would guess that today the water level would be fractionally over the top of those charming giraffe patterned wellingtons. Still, that's what r@mbling is all about, apparently. Fresh air and exercise in the open countryside. Nothing at all to do with bossing people and interfering and insisting on keeping paths open when they threaten peoples privacy and no one actually wants to use them. Or chippiness over landowning, however modest. Stupid r@mbling f.cks.

(You may not understand that it is very different here from the wide open spaces of America. R@mbling is headed by a collection of very aggressive left-wing townee people who see it as a political cause to end up with no land barred to them at all. It goes with trying to ban all field sports etc. No real country person would have anything to do with them.)
- posted by Iris @ 10/20/2005 08:43:00 PM comment