Annoying.
Right. Now I don't have a television to watch I am spending more time here ... alone, apparently. So .. I suddenly had this moment of clarity and I thought 'OMG - I found B..,and J., and Squ.., and M...ie, by chance on-line. So maybe there is the English equivalent of that group of amazingly charming, talented and amusing people just a few clicks of the keyboard away'. And if they lived HERE, I could easily meet them .. and that could possibly be really nice .. and even fun. So the search began.

I started with a link from one of the blogs mentioned above. She seemed okay and wrote well but was rather self-conciously cool and .. my over-used word ... smug. So I tried HER links. Errr .. the same again. A couple of them were actually very funny but quite aggressive and all left-wing in that biggoted English way which allows no discussion. One of them said he would love to be M. Th.tch3r for a day so that he could apologise for everything she had done. How f.ck.ng stupid is that? I get so exhausted with this kind of remark to which 'they' chorus 'Yeah, right' and when you say what did she 'do' exactly they usually can't remember anything in particular. She had a brisk and unsentimental, 'uncaring' manner and didn't pretend that all poorer people were victims (much like myself)but dragged England back from total crapness in the world view to being a major player again. She was a bit strange towards the end but it was worth it. Try to find a politician of any party today that you could admire for anything ..

So already I am irritated by many of the things they say and find their manner annoying and this is not going well. By chance one of them has made a huge list of all the people who link back to him - about fifty Engl1sh blogs. I start with the ones with 'Lond0n' in their names for ease of contact once we become close friends. They are all very, very dull foreigners having a wonderful time in your fascinating city. F.ck it .. I will choose at random. This one is not so bad and he is writing under his real name and has a rather pretty photograph of himself at the top and lives not unadjacent to my own flat .. hmm, hmmm. No. Hopeless. He is a deeply humourless theatre producer who goes on and on and onnn about the minutiae of various low level plays he's involved with and the whole thing is probably set up to be read by someone who might give him a job.

And the next one is a man writing under a woman's name and the one after that is a gay man obsessed with football and the one after that too and what the f.ck is this? Are all Engl1sh blogs written by the same person? They are interchangeable .. and not in a good way. I could write a parody by now and would probably be put up for an Engl1sh 'bl0gg1e'. All I have to do is be scathing about anything upper middle class; love lots of cliched whiny music like C0ldpl@y; boast about how drunk I was last night, preferably on some bizarrely horrible mix; drone on about injustice on the other side of the world; make a list down the side of my favourite films including martial arts and anything about minorities being cruelly ignored; plus book list including any modern very left-wing ranters and novels about minorities being cruelly ignored and add the name of my favoured football team in coloured letters. Then I could bring up a few ever-popular topics like the f0x hunt1ng ban being bypassed by cunning toffs and the cruel repatriation of failed 'asylum seekers' and I would be totally indistinguishable. And would probably have hundreds of new friends.

I feel really bitter now. Why are so many English people so cliched and stupid? Why are they so dreary? Why do they cling on to their nasty, crass, anti-intellectual, anti-eliteist thought processes as if any other way of being was actually evil? I have looked before and have NEVER found an English blog that wasn't roughly like these. Whereas amongst American ones there are masses that, although not riveting, I could read quite happily and without screaming. Perhaps all the nice, fun English people still don't understand how to use a computer ... you may be surprised to know that that is actually a real possibility.
- posted by Iris @ 7/01/2005 12:59:00 AM comment