Dislike?
Yesterday I made a list of all the people that I hate. I wanted to see if there was any pattern to it, which would mean that I actually hated a type of person or if they were definitely each awful in their own way. Or maybe - very, very annoying if true - they were a reflection of something I didn't like in myself (as if).

I am a big hater in general but every time I use the word outside my own home some bore chips in 'That's a very strong word' or 'I really don't think we should ever HATE anyone'. Errr - why not, exactly? And I was very pleased to see a recent advertisement (as normal with clever ads. no one can remember what it was actually advertising) about how 'Hate is Good'. Because of course, hippily, if you 'Hate' bad things then you might make the effort to change them.

Unfortunately, when I hate bad people I just go off and bitch about them behind their backs - but perhaps the person I'm talking to will then be brave enough to confront them.

Then again, it is all in the word. I say 'hate' but you say 'dislike'. I say 'hate' but you say 'find a bit annoying'. I say 'hate' but you say 'what a stupid f.cker'. We are probably all experiencing exactly the same emotion.... Or is MINE stronger. I have a feeling that it is.

When one of my 'hatees' names comes up in conversation, even with total strangers, I am incapable of letting it go by. 'Actually, I really hate him/her', I find myself saying. My husband signalling OMG! with furious eyebrows. 'I think that woman was her best friend/business partner/sister. Couldn't you POSSIBLY just keep quiet for once ... or at least say 'Don't really get on with' or anything a bit milder. You sound like a psycho'. 'Well no ... because I REALLY HATE HER ... and I'm not listening to some drivel about how nice she is without pointing out some examples of her other side. And ... I would rather do that, psycho or not than let her go through life getting away with everything ... So, neh, neh'.

And .. it is surprising how often, when I have said the hating thing, that the other person says, 'But, me too, I thought no one else saw how ghastly she was so I just went along with it'. Then intense gossiping and bonding ensue. I have made some of my best acquaintances that way and , as far as I know, not many people actually think I am a psycho or 'dislike' me because of it. And if they do ..I don't care, because I live alone in the country now and I never have to see them again and I no longer care, either, about social life and not being asked to dinner or whatever.

So .. I digress ... the list. It was far shorter than I was expecting - in fact only EIGHT people. How is this possible? Though another one has died recently, the exception that proves my rule that only nice, charming people die young. It had five women and three men but the men all had a rather unmasculine tendency to subjective bitchiness. I wrote next to each one why I particularly loathed them and ... it was pretty much the same every time. So it IS a type of person that I hate rather than the individuals ... hmmm. AND .. I am really, really not secretly like that myself .. I swear on my life.

They are all obssesive, snobbish social climbers. They are all intelligent and charismatic but use those characteristics ruthlessly for their advancement. They are all rude and dismissive to people who they perceive as 'not useful' or 'inferior'. They also suck up terrifyingly to anyone who IS 'useful' or, particularly, 'useful AND aristocratic'. They lie and/or exaggerate as a matter of course and constantly put down others to make themselves look better. In most cases they have created a fake veneer of smartness and upper classness and if they think that you are going to unmask them in any way .. references to youthful indiscretions etc. they are spiteful beyond belief.

This obviously makes them sound so awful that you would think that no one would want to know them. BUT ... 1. I have known them all for a very, very long time and have perfect recall of their original circumstances. 2. Anyone 'smart' who met them now would be bowled over by their niceness and their wide-ranging contacts amongst other 'smart' people. Sadly, a few of my closer friends have been sucked in by the 'love bombing' tactics of various of them and stare at me, puzzled, when I bleat 'I hate him' for the hundredth time. 'It's such a shame that you don't 'get' (insert name of ruthless bastard), he came to stay last weekend and was SO amusing and pleasant. He even went out of his way to look after my wife's mother'. 'Isn't your wife's mother a Duchess'. 'Yes, why are you asking that?' 'Oh, no reason ...', hopeless sigh.

Anyway ... I REALLY hate those eight, who I know in true life. But I also have lower level, though strongly felt, hatreds for people in public life and often scream 'Oh, I HATE you' at the TV screen. I suppose hating someone you have never met is a bit much but they have put their persona out for the public's approval .. and it is that persona that I can't stand. So it seems fair enough. A few examples: R1chard G3r3 (smug,creepy); Mel G1bs0n (smug,twists facts to be anti-English); G3rry Ad@ms and M'rt1n McGu1n3ss (total c.nts and deserve to d1e horribly and smug); Ad@m S'ndler (just unbearable); H1llary Cl1nton (smug,ruthless, totally fake .. the word Arrghh doesn't even cover it); T0ny and (especially smug) Cher13 Bl@1r (see H.C..); Bon0 of 'You t00' (the most pathetically pretentious man in the world); Paul McC@rtn£y and his horrific wife (smug, sad and v.smug + liar, respectively). In fact I had better stop here as I can feel my blood pressure rising. I could go on indefinitely, probably but that might be overkill. I have discussed this at such boring length that I expect you are now starting to hate me.
- posted by Iris @ 6/14/2005 11:15:00 AM comment