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Iris
Monday, March 22, 2004
I have been writing quite a lot recently as I have been here alone for two weeks. But now this is about to end, tomorrow in fact, and I am dreading it. I have been so happy by myself with only teeny responsibilities and just talking to people on the phone. I have to go to London and deal with children coming home happy after their holiday and then having to settle back into vile weather and dull jobs etc.. My older daughter has still not got used to things and now it will be all three. Then they are coming here and will dominate the computer all day and all night. How CAN I prefer living totally alone? But, oh dear, I do. This is weird and not good.
I also think that my son should put off university for another year after all as he now thinks that he applied for the wrong subject. This means he has to immediately cram for a summer exam, which will be very, very stressfull for both him and myself. But then he can go and do a language and literature course at acnamalaS University, (Spain), for a few months in the Autumn. A positive and sensible step. All is not lost...... Just that I now have to do intensive organising to set all this up and I don't want to... moan.
I have just been fiddling about with Amazon and realised that it makes my life perfect. I sit here safe and comfortable in this attractive place with no irritating neighbours and many opportunities to pass the time in a thousand pleasant ways and to my door, like magic, comes a flow of any book, film, game or CD that I desire. Often overnight. I have my cats for company and my revolving satellite dish to show me the world. If I feel lonely I can speak to my children or friends on the phone or write on the internet. But I never do feel lonely ...... It is as if I have pre-empted my old age. By the time I AM actually old I will be bored to death with this but it will be TOO LATE to do anything else. This is possibly quite scary but a deep inertia seems to have set in, perhaps the result of a long winter. I am boring myself.
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