Everything is going horribly craply. All these years I have somehow believed that things always eventually worked out for the best and mostly they did and now they are not. My son's interview did not go well. I went to London on the train yesterday evening. Washed clothes, found vital pieces of paper and letters from University etc. and packed them into a neat small rucksack. Discussed his appearance and chose garments that looked tidy and respectful but not sad or too unfashionable. Went over everything in CV and copied sample painting from internet, stuck it onto black card beautifully and then placed in pre-bought display pocket ready for interview discussion. Had bracing midnight talk about how clever and handsome and nice and perfect for the course he is, (true). Persuaded older daughter who was at this university and did this subject to come with us to make things easy. Got up vilely early, made breakfast, kept son and daughter to military time-table so that we caught perfect train and sat in perfect quiet compartment and went over his CV again and found taxi in plenty of time and arrived perfectly. I sat on a wall outside so as not to look as if his mother was with him and my daughter went in just in case a lecturer recognised her and thought better of my son for it. (They didn't).

Then the interview did not go well. They didn't ask any of the type of questions that the prospectus said they would or that the university help book said they would. They asked him nothing about his personal life or really about the CV. They asked academic test-type things and wanted detailed answers about stuff that he learnt two years ago and couldn't remember well. This is a huge subject and there is no way he could have revised all this and it is TOTALLY NOT what they implied would happen. He got panicky too when he saw how it was going and had two brain freeze moments of crucial unfortunateness. As both my daughters did this subject I do know perfectly objectively that he would be brilliant at it and the university would be thrilled with him. His teachers at school gave him a really good reference and were keen to go on helping. And it is all not going to work out. Why is Life so cruel? I said before, he always seems to have bad luck in this low level dreary way. With him I never for a minute feel that I can sit back and let things take their course. I am always doing damage limitation or encouraging or thinking how to change some situation from negative to positive. But he is the nicest person in the world with many, many exceptional qualities. I know this is boring but I don't know what to do next. He so doesn't deserve to feel a failure and have to reapply and waste another year when he is actually cleverer than his sisters and got the one low grade by chance. I hate everything today. Especially smug, dull, over promoted academics.

Synchronicity. On the train I read out a piece from a newspaper about a Dept. Head at this university saying that they were automatically binning applications from people with double-barrelled names to try to keep the number of private school candidates down. And they were letting in poorer children with ridiculously low grades. 'Oh Great. Why am I even bothering with this interview?', said my son. I was sitting on the wall outside for about ten minutes before my daughter came back. Two people from opposite directions met just in front of me. 'So Colin, how are things going?'. 'Not so well. Some newspaper has picked up remarks I made about letting in children with low grades and printed them totally out of context. The whole thing is about to stir up a huge row with the private schools all over again'.

This is one of those days when I feel that a downward spiral has started. Perhaps spending almost the entire twelve hours on various trains hasn't helped. The children went back to London and I came here. There is still snow round the house and nowhere else in the entire county. 'By God, that's weird', said the taxi driver. It mirrors my life. And ........... when that book quiz said that I am 'The noiL, the W..... and the W............obe', one reason was that I was coming out of a long winter of the spirit. Well - obviously NOT.


- posted by Iris @ 3/01/2004 09:32:00 PM comment